TORONTO SPEED DEMON HUMILIATES $4.7 BILLION TRAIN!

TORONTO SPEED DEMON HUMILIATES $4.7 BILLION TRAIN!

A Toronto man, driven to action by widespread frustration, took on an unusual challenge: to outrun the city’s newest light rail line. Complaints about the Finch West LRT, known as Line 6, had reached a boiling point, with riders experiencing painfully slow commutes due to technical glitches and weather delays.

Mac Bauer, a self-described route-conquering runner who had previously raced Toronto’s streetcar lines, saw the Finch line as his next logical test. He wasn’t thrilled about the prospect of a winter run, admitting a distinct dislike for cold-weather running and a lack of appropriate footwear.

Despite frigid conditions and frozen toes – partially mitigated by winter clothing from sponsors – Bauer decided to proceed, spurred on by encouragement from those experiencing the LRT’s sluggish pace. He confessed to a lack of route scouting, reasoning that the line’s relatively straight path wouldn’t require it.

Man filming himself as he runs along Finch West LRT.

The run proved far more difficult than anticipated. Icy patches, particularly on the sun-deprived south side of the street, made footing treacherous. Unexpected hills added to the challenge, and a sudden school dismissal created a chaotic obstacle course of pedestrian traffic.

Bauer began his ten-kilometer dash at Humber College station, pushing towards Finch West station at Keele Street. His moving time clocked in at 39 minutes, with an additional six minutes lost to traffic signals. The entire endeavor was a test of endurance against both the distance and the elements.

The response to Bauer’s feat has been overwhelming, sparking a wave of amusement and shared frustration. He wryly observed that he wouldn’t be surprised to see citizens marching on City Hall demanding improvements to the LRT service.

Looking ahead, Bauer has set his sights on another ambitious challenge: the long-delayed Eglinton Crosstown line. Construction on the Crosstown began years ago, and its opening date has been repeatedly pushed back, currently slated for mid-January.

While Bauer anticipates a warmer run with the Crosstown’s eventual opening – a 20-kilometer stretch – he doesn’t anticipate enjoying it any more than the Finch line. He’ll likely complete the run, he says, but not without a considerable amount of complaining.

For Bauer, and many Torontonians, the Crosstown’s prolonged construction has become a generational landmark. He remembers being a teenager when work first began, and now hopes to see it completed before another winter forces him into a reluctant, snow-covered race.